Day 13: White
I wasn’t really feeling the flowy New Age clothes since it was cold out so I opted for the next best thing: color therapy. At least in Ayurvedic medical practices it’s good to wear light colors in order to feel happier. I had a white jacket I never wore because I spilt turmeric on it and there was still a yellow stain on my arm but I decided why not and took it out for the day.
I was excited to feel happy but I think brown was the intended color for me to wear that day. On the way to school from my house I realized I forgot to grab my stir fry which would be the food for the day so I called mom who was at home to drop it off at a good middle ground. The middle ground was a local coffeehouse. I got myself a coffee there and realized it was incredibly bland so I opened the lid to add some sugar. I didn’t close the lid well enough though because as soon as I took a drink I looked down and there was a giant spill of coffee all down my white jacket and it was only 10am! As I began to remove my jacket I realized I had decided to wear a brown tank top (I was worrying it would be white and got stained as well) I guess brown was just my color today.
Looking into color psychology more, I realized that white isn’t really a good color to wear anyway. Mostly I think it’s a crappy color because I have to try to not touch anything but it also is known to be uninviting and somewhat hostile. Brown on the other hand creates a sense of strength and reliability, two virtues I have been especially craving for schoolwork and my blog. On the down side it can make me feel sad and isolated, but on the contrary today I felt surrounded by friends and pretty happy. I’m going to go shopping for some vibrant colors from now on to see if colors help me. Green sounds like a good color for me: it’s supposed to make you much more relaxed and helps you read! I think I could do with some yellow clothes though, as they make you happy and optimistic. Still, yellow is my least favorite color, I might just feel ugly the whole day.
I’ve been especially lethargic today and I don’t know how or why. It’s becoming increasingly harder to get out of bed, which is kind of depressing. My motivation is steadily rising, but my concentration and peacefulness have gone down a lot. I feel though as if I’m being guided towards awakening/enlightenment: during my break from New Age I began to indulge in activities and food that I couldn’t really indulge in the past. The activities that traditionally brought me great happiness (eg internet surfing and TV) seemed to bring me something more akin to frustration. I looove Ling Ling pot stickers and made some the night before I renewed my experiment. Ling Ling pot stickers were one of my mood lifters before this; they are so expensive (compared to their much cheaper competitor) but so tasty they became the coveted meal for home meals.
I feel like once I become aware of my ego, the less it maintains its grasp on my soul and doesn’t allow for me to fall back on dysfunctional thinking. There are things I’m learning from the Eckhart Tolle book I’m currently reading, and one of them is that we rely on “form” (e.g. objects, activities, tangible things) to make us happy, to define us. I never considered myself in that light but I do have my vices like pot stickers and candy. I rely on some things to make me happy at times, so it was really interesting to finally be able to indulge in what I thought would make me happy, and not become happy from it even though it wasn’t something I had overindulged in.
Noah and I were too late to do Dhammakaya meditation because we wanted to go out to Indian food with Riley, a friend. We decided to just go to our office which had couches and peaceful lighting and do it there. We meditated Riley’s style, which was much more laid back than Dhammakaya style. It was a little less successful than my last time meditating, which could probably be attributed to the fact I hadn’t meditated for a while. I eventually fell asleep (the second time that day I passed out) but I am beginning to recognize how vital meditation is to my well-being. While it can be somewhat stressful to not do well at it I found that I was finally really at peace in my body and I needed more.
I’m going to try to do it whenever I have spare time. I think I’m going to try it before bed every night. In fact, I tried it tonight! I was having trouble getting to sleep (probably because of all the little naps during the day) and tried to meditate in bed to quiet my mind. I don’t know how well it worked because I passed out pretty quickly after but I think this will prove to be a great sleeping aide.
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Experiment #2: New Age
New Age and Me
I chose New Age because my mom could relate to many of the practices, meaning I wouldn’t have to spend too much money on it and since I am a poor college student, that worked out nicely for me.
Personally though, I find New Age to be somewhat annoying. I feel as if it’s a place where people choose to believe whatever they want to believe, while I choose to be more grounded in reality. Still, I admit that I do have many spiritual beliefs, and I honestly feel that spirituality and science will eventually combine. I think there are aspects of spirituality that have truth. I just believe that studies will eventually prove them.
I have a scientific mind, but it’s still open to new and exciting things.
I respect their practices for self-betterment though and have always tried to improve my own personality but not through spirituality.
Doing more research on this has made me respect the subculture much more because it seems that
many of these people are laid back and open minded; two virtues I value. Also, I strongly believe in the “placebo effect” to help with a lot of problems today and though I may not believe that some holistic medical practices work I do value their use on people who believe in them.
I’m looking forward to opening my mind and forgetting about how “cheesy” things are. The more I immerse myself into this culture, the more excited I am for how it will change me for the better. This will be much easier than Girly Girl, which required a relentless and painful routine based completely on my outer appearance.
What’s Going to Happen?
I think I will embrace the free flowing, laid back attitude of New Age and not try for structure. I will schedule events to attend and regular practices like meditation but I will not plan my outfits ahead of time and I will not force when and where I am going to adopt a certain belief. I expect to meet a lot of different people through the course of this experiment and in doing so I will be lead into different practices as they come to me.
Here’s what I’ll be doing for sure:
- Never “talking shit” about people: show understanding and tolerance of others
- Become a vegan
- Eat healthy!!
- Avoid technology whenever possible (only computer for work and school, NO TV OR GAMING)
- in my spare time read Eckhart Tolle and other books related to spirituality
- Regularly do yoga and meditate
- frequent places that New Age people go to (instead of spending all my time at school, leave as soon as I can)
- Surround myself with people who identify as New Age or practice a branch of spirituality that applies to the culture
- Always maintain an open mind
- Try to have sustainable practices
- Dress in “New Age” clothes (loose, flowy, colorful, or earthy)
There are a few things I want to try once or twice over the course of this month:
- Astral travel
- Hold a Séance
- Do tarot card reading
- Crystal Healing
- Homeopathy (if I ever feel sick)
- Acupuncture
This list will probably be modified once I surround myself with New Age people.
It’s Official: New Age!
Ok guys, I know it’s been a big wait, and I’m sorry! I had to take a break for finals and since I’m getting credits for this quarter I waited for the quarter to start. Don’t worry, I’ll be creating a list of “makeover’s” for the months to come so the inner struggle won’t be so lengthy.
Anyway, I wanted to do something with minimal costs or interferences with my relationship with my boyfriend. I realized that since my mom knows a lot about the New Age movement I wouldn’t have to do too much time consuming research and also the costs would be minimal.
I will be updating on my planning process and don’t have a date for when it starts yet; it should be relatively soon!
I want to make this incredibly organized so bear with me while I attempt to be that (maybe I should try to be organized for a month…).
Also, if you don’t know what exactly New Age is or didn’t know it was a personality/lifestyle then I suggest you click this nice little wiki link to find out.
I’ll be posting more soon, and thanks for still caring about my blog after the long wait!
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Day 26 and 27: Chick Flicks
Day 26
Today I woke at 10 am. I had a meeting at school and nothing girly happened until I got home.
Yes, the picture is reused
When I went over to my house to visit I ended up watching “Pride and Prejudice” and “A Cinderella Story” on the Lifetime Channel.
Pride and Prejudice was a good movie. My boyfriend had never seen/read the story, he initially pouted and said that he hated “Victorian era” films. After a while, he gradually put down his DS and was absorbed. Noah ended up loving the film, the idea that a poorer woman was judging a rich man surprised him since he was expecting a cheap flick. I then realized the world of Jane Austen was invisible to many men.
Even me, someone who has never read a Jane Austen book knows of her incredible power over modern women (or at least Hollywood seems to think so). I’ve felt barraged by Jane Austen’s film adaptations since 2005, seriously, click the link; since 2002 Jane Austen films and shows have been churned out nonstop!
Just a few of these films
I want to know why exactly this is such a hot topic now when it was really a pressing moral issue at the time these novels were published. From my uninformed assumptions; the women in these books are smart and require more than just a knight in shining armor.
There were also incredible social pressures for women to marry a rich man but never seem too desperate. These cultural expectations still ring true in our culture today, but why do we need so much reinforcement?
I’m definitely going to do some more research on this, but my personal biased and uninformed opinion about just why Jane Austen would appeal to today’s culture filled with independent, smart, and classy women is that in this post-feminist era, is that it’s more OK for women to become housewives and marry into money which has made the media retaliate to show that independent and smart women are still something to be desired.
The other film also reinforced this principle although it was heavily cheapened.”A Cinderella Story“(see plot summary in hyperlink) also starred an intelligent and demure girl who ends up getting her “knight in shining armor” (AKA the football captain and hunky popular guy).
I sadly related somewhat to the film except for the happy ending part of course. I also had oppressive twin stepsisters and was the outcast in school. I even spent most of my socialization in my teen years talking to people on the internet!
When Noah and I got to his house later that night we watched an episode of Sex and the City. In the episode I noticed a very subtle detail. When the girls were out to lunch in one scene, Carrie and Samantha were sharing their meal! I also remembered an episode of Friends I’d seen where Joey hated sharing food with anyone.
My boyfriend Noah wasn’t completely against sharing food, but at times he did glare at me when I liberally plucked some chicken nuggets from his plate.
From these few observations (and a few others I can’t tangibly describe because they are such vague memories) it has gotten me to wondering if there is a hidden social standard that women share food and men don’t. I honestly have no idea, but it’s good brain gum for you all to chew on.
Day 27
Today I went out with some girls to get manicures. I decided since there were only 3 days left I’d get my acrylics removed and my nails painted red. I had no idea what I was getting myself into!
Now this blog isn’t a business review site, but I have to say the service there was terrible! The woman who did my nails seemed to have no idea what she was doing, I just asked her the prices and she stooped her head down and just said “umm…” and that I guess was her answer. Now I understand that some people are shy but you’re getting paid by me to get this done so don’t put me in an awkward situation!
I had to dip my fingers in nail polish remover for the next 20 minutes. for those of you who have never encountered nail polish remover; it feels and smells very similarly to rubbing alcohol. My hands felt like they had been walking in the middle of the desert with no water for a few hours.
my “fingers dipped in rubbing alcohol” smile
She very gradually shaved off the excess acrylic and painted my nails. Usually they give you a little light chamber you put your hands under for about 5-10 minutes to get them to dry but she was finished as soon as the painting was done. Somehow I was expected to get up, grab my purse, reach in and grab my wallet, pay, then open the door, walk to the car, open the car door, start the car, and drive without even touching my nails.
Feels just as pleasant as it looks!
This was probably the most stress I’ve been through in a while. And of course, I didn’t leave unscathed at all. I like the color though! I just wish it were shiny instead of scratched and pockmarked.
Now that my nails were back I was excited to put them to good use. I then realized why acrylics were so addictive; my nails were weak and brittle! Before I couldn’t even itch myself properly but now I didn’t even feel comfortable itching myself for fear that my nails would fold over on themselves!
My nails were once strong and independent, now they’re fragile and needy! I can’t wait for them to grow back!
Poor little guys!
I also watched 2 more chick flicks: “Valentines Day” and “Because I Said So”.
Noah and I decided to watch “Valentines Day” not on Valentine’s Day because everyone else would be watching it then and we didn’t care enough to fight for tickets. I was a little worried because I saw on Cosmopolitan.com that it was an absolutely atrocious film. I thought to myself if a woman at the girliest magazine at all time hated the movie then why in the hell should I like it?
I was at an advanced stage of chick-flickitus though so I ignored the review. The movie was predictable as stated in the review, but it wasn’t terrible. These flicks have definitely begun to wear at my proud resolve; for the first time I can recall I said “awwwww” in a movie, and meant it!
This makes me really disappointed in whoever reviewed the movie in Cosmo. I mean, they should know by now that most women readers would not be so picky in their films, and when does a magazine for women trash on films for women? Cosmopolitan isn’t exactly known for their intellectual articles or deep questions of what is right or wrong. It just doesn’t seem right.
I also watched “Because I Said So”, and I realized I had peaked my chick flick fever. My reactions to every comedic moment were fully expressed by loud squeals and huge grins.
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, so I hope you all enjoy it, I know I will!
Day 25: Looks
Today I woke up at 7. It was a pretty average morning; I’ll spare the mundane details.
As I said before, this is the skankiest outfit I’ve worn this whole month, and so I decided to take on a skankier persona as well (kind of).
I realized while being glanced at by another man that I SUCK at the “come hither” or “eye sex” look. Maybe this is the reason all my friends get hit on and I don’t? Whenever a guy, or rather anyone looks my way I usually look away immediately then look back and attempt a friendly smile realizing I must seem like a snob.
It’s always incredibly awkward for me to walk past people, especially acquaintances. When it comes to nonverbal flirtation from across the room, which I sometimes try to do for the sake of trying, it always ends up me looking at the guy really blankly then looking past him.
I told Noah this and we tried eye sex looks back and forth. I either broke down laughing or just generally looked like an ass. Still, my new found confidence did seem to somehow gain me some new guy friends. It was either my exposed cleavage or my more desperate and less awkward approach.
Either way, while I may not have mastered this sexy stare, I still consider today a success. Now hopefully I didn’t get any stalkers from it!
I realized from this that it’s ok to open up to other men. I don’t need to constantly be on guard like every guy around me is a potential rapist out to get me. I think this girly naiveté I maintain gains me friends without alienating others. I also don’t have to avoid the subject of having a boyfriend around guys so as not to “upset” them as I used to.
From being girly I’ve learned that being open to as many people as possible is a great idea, and if they can’t deal with the fact that I’m not going to get as cozy as they’d like, well it sure as hell isn’t, and shouldn’t be my problem.
Of course, this has been only one day of getting attention. I tend to get annoyed at too much attention from too many people. I hate it when too many people start wanting things from me (like time to hang out), it gets overwhelming. I think that’s why I’ve never had many friends. I hate that about me, it’s such an inefficient way to get by. Having lots of friends can get you places, plus there are a lot of people there to back you up when you’re on the ground.
If anyone has advice on not only how to make friends but KEEP them let me know. I’m pretty sure the answer will require me to pick up the phone and call old friends but I’m hoping it’s something else. I think that’s what really keeps me from having friends; I HATE calling people! I am terrified of it! I’m terrified of calling someone and hearing “Hey, thanks for FINALLY calling me (asshole)!” and looking like a jerk.
Maybe that’s another reason I prefer hanging out with guys; they don’t expect you to call them, ever! But I’m not a man, and I need to finally accept that fact and be a girl. Time to make some calls (tomorrow, no, next week)!
{not pictured}: same outfit for tomorrow as day 2’s
Day 24: Slumped
Today I woke up at 7:49(late!!)! I rushed to put on makeup and somehow got to school on time but it was incredibly stressful.
I think this set the tone for the whole day because throughout it I felt really unhappy. I think this experiment is really wearing on me.
I think I failed at getting a supportive circle of girlfriends and it’s hard to want to keep up with this without the feeling of belonging to something.
Maybe I’m just disappointed in myself for not going as far as I could have with this. I know that I had limitations but I’ll never be able to replicate this again without already knowing what’s in store for me.
I read an article in Glamour called “What his Valentine Gift says About your Relationship” it was funny how ridiculous and judgmental it was. You would think that girls would understand by now that guys don’t leave subliminal messages hidden around their actions, girls do that! I mean, if a guy got her something really weird like knives it’s an obvious sign but roses and/or a box of chocolates doesn’t mean anything.
By the way, this is the skankiest outfit I’ll be wearing for the month (hopefully), so stay tuned!
I think I just need to take these last few days as seriously as I can. I feel like I’ve been slacking, and the slacking is putting a slump in my shoulders. I did this to learn, not to complain. Tomorrow is going to be a whole new day!
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )Day 23: Pretty
Today I woke up at 6:50. It was a rushed morning, and I was incredibly unsure about my makeup. I decided on a bronzey brown color but was very insecure about it the whole day. I really want some better eyeshadow applicators though I’m impressed with what I’ve been able to do with the crap that I’ve got now.
Today was the first day I used a waist belt. this was really exciting because it was my secret guilty girly fetish before this whole experiment. Most feminist-minded people would expect me to realize my mistake and complain about how it constricted my breathing and wasn’t worth it. It was! It’s an instant confidence booster. I can eat as much as I want and not feel self conscious. It was like a little fairy godmother saying “eat up, I got you covered.”
When I took it off at the end of the day I felt my gut spill out. Instead of feeling relieved, I felt exposed. All of a sudden I realized my perfect little waist was just an illusion, that I did eat out at Azteca today, and that it did show.
Also, men seemed to love it! I got a lot of compliments, especially from my boyfriend.
As the month begins to end, school is really winding up, and I’ve realized how hasty I’ve been with starting this experiment. I had no idea how much time and effort it would take to keep it up and how little I feel I’ve accomplished compared to what I know I could have if I had done more research and had more time.
My shoe injures are healing!
This being said, I’ve decided to not adopt another personality until after the quarter ends. I want to really get the full experience of each person I’m becoming and mostly what I’ve gotten out of being girly are the clothes, which is just the tip of the iceberg for the personality. I feel like I’ve really let myself and other down with my hastiness, and next time around, things will really be well planned.
I also realized I need to know more cultural stuff in order to have more informed blog entries. I want to really take this seriously, but I’m just worried I don’t have the means/knowledge/friends to make this go as far as it could go.
I’ve discovered that Glamour.com is much better that Cosmopolitan.com and had an awesome article about how girls need to dress down for men to show they’re not as high maintenance as the actually are. It’s good to know that men are smart enough to pick up on those cues, though I’m sure lots of guys are completely oblivious. If you are a guy and have no idea what I’m talking about, check out this article.
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