Archive for January, 2010

Day 13 and 14: The Initiation

Posted on January 30, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 2 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


Today I got to go to my very first boat party! I woke up at 10:30 and it took me a few hours to coordinate my outfit just for the daytime. I think I’m going to wear this outfit for Day 15 by the way because no one at school really saw me in it and I’m running out of clothes since I’m still at my house.

 


Ughh, I HATE the 80’s and their convoluted style


You’ll never guess who lent me the fishnet shirt!

My outfit was one of the biggest stretches I’d dealt with when it comes to fashion. I absolutely abhor the eighties and everything that has to do with their style. It looks so unflattering! But I had the clothes. It took some creativity to really push the look. I needed a waist belt but I didn’t have any, so I took a belt from my closet that I hadn’t worn since sophomore year of high school and taped it together. I of course gave myself a pat on the back for my creativity.

Still, I feel like a huge poser/sell out and will be incredibly embarrassed if I can’t find a way to pull together a better look for tomorrow. It doesn’t even seem that girly, it seems too stupid. ugh!

Anyway, I got to my friend’s house at about 2:30 pm, the party was to start at 9pm. We were going to have girl time for the rest of it! I was really excited, especially because the car ride felt so lonely without Noah next to me(he went to hang out with guy friends over the weekend).

Girl time started out a bit shaky since I didn’t know Lacey’s friends too well, but we all warmed up to each other pretty quickly. One of them even read a lot of my blog, which made me really excited! We talked about girly things; makeup, fashion, nails, hair, etc, and it was nice. One girl did everyone’s makeup, and told me about an awesome website called makeupgeek.com.


 

Getting the “smoky eye”


It seems that having someone do your makeup is similar to when chimps pick lice off each other. I mean, if you do some light reading on it you’ll see that not only does it help them be cleaner but it’s also a bonding experience. For us girls, it’s a very similar dynamic.

When it got to be around 6:30, we shared some wine together and then I really loosened up. Now I don’t mean to sound cocky, but when I drink I become AWESOME. When I’m sober I can be really shy in a group of people, especially people I don’t know too well, but when I drink I lose my insecurities and not only to I act awesome and super friendly and nice but I also act way smarter!

 


Lacey and Rebecca


Lacey and her sister


I’ve been trying to crack the code where I am like this all the time because I love drunk me, but to no avail! But being an alcoholic won’t suit me either, because alcohol destroys my body. Physically it really takes its toll in many terrible ways.

On our way to the party, we saw a huge limo parking in front of the dock, I felt like I was going to some high class VIP event, even though I could hear other people in the background complaining about the size of the boat.

The boat had a bar area/a dance floor, an upstairs bathroom area/lounge, and up one more floor was the roof outside for people to enjoy the fresh air. My friends and I were hanging out at the lounge when I told them I wanted to make lots of friends here.

“Yeah, that would be fun, but you can only make guy friends, you can’t talk to girls,” one of them said.

“Oh, that sucks,” I complained just when I group of girls walked up the stairs, heading for the roof. I still felt like being friendly so I waved and smiled. I exclaimed to my friends; “I just want to be able to make friends with people!”

“We do too!” Two of the girls heading for the roof overheard me and walked over to us. I was thrilled! We chatted with them for a while until I was just talking to them and my friends left. I realized I needed to find them since the boat was about to take off so I bid the new girls adieu.

This was a great start to an absolutely amazing party. I met tons of awesome people! Sadly, my phone was dead so it was near impossible to exchange contact info (I was not going to give my number to any guys no matter how nice they seemed, it just wasn’t appropriate!) but I did give my email to two people and my number to one really nice girl named Vera.

Also, I cannot remember ANYONE’S name that I met there. I left really sad because there seemed to be some really interesting and awesome people there! I hope I can go to the next boat party and there will be the same people.

I probably was hit on that night alone more times than I’ve been hit on in my life! I learned how to be assertive without being too bitchy (though I’m sure many guys would argue the contrary).

It’s a tough situation for women when they’re at a club/party and have a boyfriend: you have to be very clear that you are not interested and that you are faithful without seeming too bitchy, and most guys will say “well, we can still be friends right?” and you can’t really discern between the liars and the honest ones.


My dress


I’m sure I pissed off more than a few guys out there, but what am I supposed to do? Just let guys grind up on me while I’m dancing? No, I’ve got morals (despite the lack of religious background) and I do not let guys touch me just because my boyfriend isn’t there to judge.

When you’re taken and all these guys hit on you though, you get to see their hidden agendas and insecurities play out much more clearly than if you were single and looking. One very pushy guy kept insisting on dancing with me and after he continued to try to get too close and I left he came back asking me why I “bailed”. He then tried to play the “if you want me, come get me” card which meant I was finally free from his idiocy.

But seriously, despite the assholes, this party was phenomenal! I got to meet so many beautiful and sweet girls who really taught me how to just let loose and be carefree. It seemed that the most attractive girls would gravitate toward me, which I didn’t mind in the least. I got to dance really close to them and I honestly felt like I was getting lucky they were so gorgeous!

One really amazing girl kept telling me I was so adorable and that everyone there wanted to get to know me. She said I was the most beautiful girl at the party and people noticed! Of course I ate it all up, it was great!!

At the end, I felt like some sort of goddess. Guys and girls alike were coming up to me and telling me I was so beautiful and asking my name. I have no idea if this is normal, but I was NOT complaining.

I got invited by at least 2 people to come join them for the after party. The limo was waiting outside!! I told my friend Lacey and she was ecstatic, but our other friends wanted to go home so we didn’t get to go. I was absolutely heartbroken! I really hope I get to go to the next one!

This party was the biggest ego boost I have ever had. I now think I am to most beautiful and awesome person ever! I’m definitely going to hit up the clubs when I can nowadays, and this time my boyfriend will be there!

But seriously, I learned a lot from that experience. The most important thing was how vital it is to meet new and different people to learn from them. It’s also really important to know when to relax and just have a good time. So many people go to parties and just go off in their little corner with their tight circle of friends, but that’s just so exclusive!

You’re definitely a better person if you are capable of being friends with anyone. You don’t have to necessarily have lots of friends, but being open to having lots of friends facilitates and open mind, and that’s really important!

In a way, this experience was life changing. Partly because of the massive ego boost and partly because I learned why being girly has so much appeal. I felt like this was the turning point where I finally feel part of the girly community, where I passed the difficult trial, and now I’ve broken through the barrier. And I have to say I love it!

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Day 12: A Breath of Fresh air

Posted on January 28, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 2 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


Today I woke up at 11. I forgot that I had to meet with the drama club at noon until 11:40 so I just packed all my makeup in my bag and did it in the car.

 


When I met with the club I felt a little flustered, so I didn’t really specify what I was looking for, but I was really glad to see that they supported my idea and weren’t offended by it.

I didn;t do much that day. Though I should explain that the house I’ve been taking pictures in isn’t really where I live, it’s just where I stay when I have to wake up early in the morning for school. My real home is 45 minutes away from school, I love it there but I’m too busy and it’s just not convenient.

My boyfriend lives at the home nearer to the school, but this weekend (it’s a Friday) he decided to go camping with some buddies. That was fine with me, because that same weekend I was going on a boat party with some girlfriends.

I had to pack for my house. Normally, when I go to my house it wasn’t a concern to pack for the weekend. This time I had to pack A LOT of stuff!

This is what I packed before this experiment:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My point exactly

What I packed this time:


Clothes for 1 day


High Maintenance?

That was pretty much my day. Whenever I get to my house I get super lazy though, so I stayed up watching trashy TV until about 1 and then went straight to bed. It was nice to relax, but I felt so guilty after wards. It was one of those rare nights where I felt completely relaxed though, so it was nice!

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Day 11: Time on my Hands

Posted on January 27, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 2 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


I woke up at 7 this morning. I was supposed to wake up at at least 6:30, but for some reason I was incredibly tired. That was a sarcastic statement by the way. Of course I’m really tired! I barely have time to piss anymore!


yes, I was freaking tired!


I re-wore my outfit from day 3, I felt ashamed, but the night before I was so eager to sleep I just threw together an outfit. There was quite an inner struggle with it, but I was able to pull it off to make it look at least slightly different.



 

I compensated for it this morning by putting a lot of effort into my makeup and hair. All the compliments I got at school also made me feel less guilty for cheating. I also kind of cheated and stumbled a few times on Stumbleupon( a program where you just click a “Stumble!” button on your browser and are instantly lead to a random but awesome website) . God I miss the internet!!

I feel cut off from so many potentially awesome random crap. I especially miss Digg and Cracked. God those websites are fun, they are sorely missed.

Today I decided to force myself to act peppy as possible. It really helps me feel better! I told my friends at school and they were initially upset that I was taking on the girly personality as well. I had to explain the inner struggle I had to bear because of my genuine personality clashing with my fake looks.

It’s hard to explain, but there really is a huge clash. Being fully aware of people’s judgments and assuptions of me breaks my confidence down. I can’t be embarrassed about the clacking noise my heels make at every step and I can’t get upset when I see someone who knew me before this and doesn’t know about the experiment.

Noah and I finally had some extra time on our hands, and we decided to go out to get sushi at the mall. It was a great time, my peppiness made me feel like everyone was on my side, like everyone was my friend.

After sushi we went to the mall. I realized that when it comes to being a girly girl, you have to force yourself to be oblivious of what other people think. I walked around and forced deep thoughts out of my head. I decided to make myself a caricature of a girly girl that day. The servers seemed to treat me better, and it just felt like people liked me! I had a skip in my step and things like crappy mall music and catty glares completely went over my head.


 

In the middle of shopping, Noah said he didn’t like it anymore, that he wished he could be real with me like we normally were.

At first I thought that he was giving in to the stereotypes and assumptions of what a girly girl was to him then I realized it was nearly impossible for me to talk deeply with the attitude I had. I felt oblivious and I wanted to stay that way. My thoughts were “Clothes, clothes, clothes! Oooh and shoes!” and if I were to have a deep conversation I would be thinking about my surroundings; the people around me, who they were and what they must be thinking when they see me.

I felt like this new girl had blinders on. I didn’t notice anything but the useless crap what was in in front of me.


America’s version of rose colored glasses

(photo credit:
http://design.sva.edu/site/sva_assets/0000/0225/blinders_prototype_horiz602.jpg)



At the mall we picked out some clothes for me to wear for tomorrow. One of the dresses was a pink turtleneck with no sleeves. It looked a little tacky but I needed something pink and I thought maybe I could salvage it if I wore it with a long sleeved shirt. When I was in the dressing room I took a better look at it and realized it had one of those cleavage holes in the front! I came out and Noah asked me why I didn’t show him the outfit and I exclaimed that it was a lot more whorish than I thought it was.

After we left he told me the girls working there were giving me dirty looks because of my comment. Normally, I would have felt like crap about myself; my biggest fear socially is people judging me. I get really depressed thinking that someone thinks I’m a bad person.

This time though I said “well, if they think whorish clothes are classy, then more power to them!” it was a bitchy comment yes, but I felt free to be who I wanted to be for once. I didn’t care if I looked like a bitch anymore, I was allowed to be me without feeling social pressures!


New eyeshadows from Claires. All of a sudden I’m excited to wear makeup tomorrow, wonder why?

It was wonderful! The only other times I felt so careless was when I drank. I’ve always felt so limited by almost everyone I knew. I have always held back my real feelings about things, repressed my emotions and impulsive actions. This new me I like! I know I know, being oblivious is not something to be admired. I shouldn’t embrace stupidity. But this is part of my experiment, and I’m gonna go as far as I can go without harming myself.

If I maintain my old mannerisms, I’ll also get more and more insecure about how false I’ve become. I’m learning a lot about how to get over some of my old insecurities.

On a more shallow note, I just realized why I’ve been hating being girly so much lately!! It ties into why girls always want to go shopping. I get bored with all the same clothes and makeup and lose motivation, but once I go shopping and get new crap I’m ready for more!


Ooh, pretty!

 


Hopefully this will be used often for my many girls nights out/parties I should be attending


This will be incredibly costly though, and I can’t keep a pattern of spending money up. I wish Costco had cute clothes packs like the awesome eyeshadows I got at Claire’s! Life would be so much easier! Maybe… just maybe, if I gain enough popularity with this, I could get donations?? That would be amazing!!! Well, if you’re reading this, spread the word! Maybe you know some girlies with clothes they could spare…

Also, a good habit I’m making to make this blog better is gradually working on it throughout the day and when I get home I turn on E! or Bravo and watch a variety of girly shows. Among them are “Real Housewives of Orange County”, “Millionaire Matchmaker”, “Fashion Police”, “The Girls Next Door”, and “Keeping up With the Kardashians”.

It’s pretty brutal at times. Real housewives, which I’m watching right now, is frightening! The women are so incredibly catty, yet they all remain friends for some convoluted reason. I don’t know how these women stay so mean at such an advanced age. I mean, I never knew girls like that even in high school!

Hopefully I won’t run into any women like that during this experiment! But whatever happens, I’ve been through the worst of it (I hope!).

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Day 10: Embracing the Girly

Posted on January 26, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 2 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


This morning I woke up at 6:30.I didn’t feel the need to style my hair because I was going to wear a hat. This outfit was very similar to Day 4, but not enough for anyone to notice, or comment on.



The routine is beginning to wear on me, now that I don’t really have any new, exciting, or effortless outfits/makeup to show off, it all feels so redundant and pointless.

Still, my behavior has changed. I have definitely become more girly over these ten days. Not laughing at off color jokes has become more natural, I thoroughly enjoy looking at Amazon.com for shoes, and talking to girls about what they’re wearing feels normal.

I’ve even gotten so girly I bought awesome black boots for $38 on Amazon!! I’m honestly super excited about them, like really excited.


Yes, I know, I have great taste!

These boots feel like the solution to life right now. It would be scary to think that this new shoe-crazy Corrina could be me forever. Good thing my next personality will be completely different.

I don’t think this could be the real me forever though. I hate this, it’s really hard to get up from bed to take off my makeup, take a shower, shave my legs, wash my face, and put lotion on my bare, exposed legs. I honestly prefer having hairy legs, and I’m even less ashamed to say that now of all times!

The detrimental effect this has had on my self esteem and confidence is the worst though. I would love to go back to barely wearing makeup, being ogled by few but respected by many. This new me is so full of emotional cavities, fatal flaws, and general problems. Even when talking to my friends I seem to leave with a gaping hole in my heart and a tumor of shame. I feel so out of place like this, I need to act the part and when I don’t I just look like a bitch.

The old me could never pull off the comments the new me is able to pull off! When I object strongly to something it’s ok because I’m supposed to be enthusiastic about things anyway. But it’s not working out because I’m not enthusiastic, I’m just me with a bunch of makeup and fancy clothes.

The person I was before was balanced and content. Now this new me is teetering between being someone she is supposed to hate and someone she knows is the real her. It’s really hard; that along with the fact that I have to accept and even embrace being considered as an inferior to others.

I talked to a drama teacher about this today. I learned a lot about how to I can go about becoming a girly girl. She suggested I observe girly girls in action at places like the mall or a nail parlour. This weekend I planned on cleaning, but I think instead I’ll be doing some vital research.

What to do this weekend:

  • watch Legally Blonde
  • Go to mall and observe girlies
  • Get nails redone
  • Give myself french manicure on toenails
  • If there’s time, clean!


I know! But I was so tired; I didn’t feel like figuring out a whole new outfit!!

The meeting with her reinvigorated my passion for this project. I have a lot more direction and I’m excited to truly take on this personality. I still get really sad because my mind is not accepting of this change. It definitely takes a lot of strength to do this, and I hope I have that strength.

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Day 9: Revelations

Posted on January 25, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 2 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


This morning was really hard. I had organized my outfit for tomorrow but realized it was much too cold out the next morning and had to take the time to find another one. This was incredibly stressful because I desperately need some black boots but I can’t seem to find any. Almost all of the outfits I compiled I can’t wear because they don’t go with any of my shoes!

I really really really really need some black effing boots!


 


Anyway, when I got to class later for Biology I had to go with a different group than normal. I ended up in a group of all men. two of which seemed to be either complete idiots or total stoners.

Not that I have a problem with stoners, quite the contrary, I think they’re really laid back and nice people. But these guys seemed to have instantly wrote me off as some dumb bimbo and initially tried to take charge of the experiment by avoiding any interaction with their group mates whatsoever.

I should have been a good girly girl and embraced this assumption but I was furious to be treated like an invalid and worked to prove my worth. It seemed though that the more I spoke and asked critical questions regarding the experiment the more I was considered to be not only a dumb bimbo, but a controlling one too.

I try my best to encourage others to have their say in the matter because as a child I was never given a chance to speak. I also try not to be too passive because I was never allowed to speak my mind as a child and I don’t want to perpetuate that feeling I had of being wallpaper.

Still, I think I strike a pretty good balance between the two extremes, though I do tend to be a little passive at times.

I get extremely upset when I am treated like I’m controlling or stupid because I am neither, and far from those too! But still, many times, as a woman, being assertive is interpreted as being aggressive and being smart makes men feel emasculated, so I just can’t win with these guys!

I realized that as a girly girl, there is a stereotype of them being dumb. I knew a girl in junior high who was in all the AP(advanced placement) classes but she dropped out because she was ashamed. She later became popular even though she was into sports and incredibly smart.

 


scabbing from day 3‘s shoes

 


From seeing what I saw today, I understand the extreme pressures girls go through to become their prescribed stereotypes. If a girly girl were to come into a class knowing what was going on and giving all the right answers, the social contradiction in others’ minds would be overwhelming.

Some people absolutely need to categorize others, especially if the targeted people appear to fit into a certain category. I think that once that idea is set in some people’s minds, it’s hard to change.

Today I felt less respect for humanity. The fact that I am put into a box because if my appearance saddens and disgusts me. But most of all, the fact that such smart women are put into the same box everyday is the worst.

How many times have you talked to a girly girl and kept the conversation to ‘her level’ because she was obviously not capable of something more? How many times have you seen someone like her and talked shit about how she won’t do anything but find a man and have his children?

I know I’ve done it. It’s so easy, so acceptable, because she’s asking for it right? She’s putting so much time and effort into her appearance, so that must be all she really cares about. What if she could have been better? What if in high school she gave in to the social pressures and once she was out there was no turning back? What if once that hair goes blonde and the clothes stay cute then everyone just thinks they know what she is deep inside?

Is there really a girl who never had any dreams in life but to be whisked away by her brave knight to live comfortably in a castle having his children? Is this what she chose to think, or did we choose it for her?


More “payoff” from looking so good


There isn’t a payoff to all this, looking pretty doesn’t “pay off”. It just makes people decide who you are before you have a say.

I was reading my textbook for abnormal psychology and the acceptability of judging people based on their appearance is tangible! “The client’s general mode of dress (neat, conventional, sloppy, flashy) … may be correlated with personality traits, or, perhaps, with a disorder.”

Not that I’m saying there is never any merit behind such judgments. There is a lot of merit behind it, or else psychologists wouldn’t use it as a tool to assess clients.
But my point is that it is acceptable to judge people based on their clothing and physical appearance. What does that do to these girls?

I’m also not saying that they are completely absolved of their actions, but I don’t agree with blind or even somewhat founded judgments against people that push them further into their stereotypes.

When I get passionate about what I’m saying in the presence of another man, and he interprets it as me being bitter and angry, I get more bitter and angry than I ever was because I’m being put into a place where I can’t truly be considered who I really am, and it makes me angry!

If a girly girl talks to a group of men, and whenever she says something smart or insightful they laugh and patronize her, she is expected to be what they think she should be, and after how many times this happens will she stop fighting it, especially if when she fights it she is looked at as some pretentious bitch.

This was a real wake up call. I didn’t really think there was much justification for girly girls to act so stupid. I thought men would be attracted to an intelligent and well put together woman.

Today has broken me down a bit. I feel insecure and depressed. This is an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I need to embrace this feeling and surround myself with girls who embrace who I’ve made myself become. I hope tomorrow will be better.

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Day 8: Busy Busy

Posted on January 24, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 2 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


Not much I can say about today. I mean, I could say a lot but I don’t have the time. My outfit was cute, but it was more of a sexy secretary look than anything. Plus I look like some kind of trashy midget in this picture:


 

We tried replicating the style from yesterday, but it didn’t work as well. I still got compliments, but I felt silly compared to yesterday’s style. I asked Noah if my behavior has changed since this project, and he said yes, so at least I’m beginning to change.

I got some extra clothes from an awesome woman who also has her own online cooking show! I might put the link up later if she gives me the OK.

Otherwise, I’m gonna keep this one short and sweet, sorry, I’ve had a LOOOONG day!


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Day 7: Light at the end of the Tunnel

Posted on January 23, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 1 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


Today I woke up at 2:30!! I had taken a laxative the night before because…well, why do you think? It caused incredible pain throughout the night and kept waking me up. So that’s my excuse, and no one will question an excuse that involves public humiliation.

My days are speeding up again. Today I had to do my homework, meet with Noah’s aunt Lola, an ex girly girl who knows how to work it, and hang out with an old friend. I also had to finish yesterday’s blog.

Getting ready today was an extra pain. The night before I bought some really interesting looking eyeshadows

 



The ad promised they would look like this:



I was like “hell yeah!” I know that before I was raving about how not using prepackaged eyeshadow was fun but this stuff promised awesome eyes that looked ridiculously girly. So today was the day I got to try it out.

Now let me say that I’m actually well known by friends to be an expert realist artist. I can draw pictures to look amazingly realistic. Not to toot my own horn, but I can! OK OK, I’ll show you!


My drawing of a photo of a cat.

Now what I’m getting at with all this is that I wasn’t concerned with making this look amazing, even though it seemed to be a very difficult feat to pull this off. Maybe I just suck at applying makeup, but I DID NOT pull this off!



 

This was my first experience with a huge rip off. But at least it looked good enough for me to feel like a girly girl.

Of course what only made it worse was when Lola came over to help me be girly she kindly pointed out that girly girls do not wear that much blue eyeshadow, and they if anything, spend hours working on looking natural.

I got a lot of good advice today from Lola along with some fancy stuff.


Yes, that is a real Burberry bag

 

I learned a lot about how to style hair though I could never describe it in words…mostly because I can’t remember it anymore. All I know is that it’s really hard to do and just as hard to pull off. Noah will probably do the rolling for me because I will just mess it up though by the end of this month I have to know how to do it!

 


 

I realized all the stuff I was doing before was child’s play compared to what real girly girls subject themselves to. But hot damn, the end result definitely had its rewards!



 


If only it were just a little easier to look this good every day…

The day was short overall. I’m going to give my toenails a French manicure soon enough. I don’t want to get too hasty and say tomorrow because tomorrow I’ll be really busy. But soon enough.
I hung out with a girlfriend. We got some longer leggings at Target and I bought some hand wipes for my bag. I just need to remind myself to use them when necessary. Having girl talk was great! I miss being able to have heart to hearts with a fellow female.

Not that there’s anything wrong with my boyfriend, it’s just that there’s a different dynamic. We are more philosophical in our conversations. It’s not really fitting to talk about relationships with the person who you’re in a relationship with. It’s not really appropriate to talk about guys when he doesn’t have any other experience with dating men.

I really need to hang out with other girls more. Being around guys makes it nearly impossible to act feminine, and its showing. It’s just hard to push myself onto other women who I wasn’t friends with before. I don’t want to seem like a stalker…

I think it’s just a gradual process. I can’t jump into having a tight circle of gal pals until I’ve actually developed closer relationships. That’s one of the positive things I hope to get out of this; some good friendships. I’ve always sucked at making and keeping friends.

Not to say that there’s anything wrong with me, I just go through phases where I’ll be really extroverted and have a bunch of friends and then get super introverted and not call them for a few months.

When people keep calling and texting me for too long I get annoyed. It’s really about maintaining friendships that I suck at. I think it’s a bad thing to be like that, because I do value people who I’ve known for a long time. But at the other end I think that’s kind of what makes me me. If I kept the exact same friends from elementary school, I wouldn’t learn what I’ve learned from the diverse array of people I’ve befriended in my past.

I think the friends you make in a way reflects what kind of person you are. So what kind of person am I if I can’t maintain friendships? And what kind of person am I if all my friends are completely different people?

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Day 6: Cleaning Day 1

Posted on January 22, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 1 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


Today I woke up at 10:30. It was a great morning! I forgot that I still had quiet days. Noah and I went straight to breakfast, and I didn’t change into anything until 6. Well, I guess that just because today was the all dreaded cleaning day. And I wasn’t about to clean the room and the bathroom in heels.



What slept on makeup looks like

No, this morning wasn’t really a “quiet” day. In fact immediately after making breakfast, I decided the best punishment for not finishing last night’s routine was to watch the “Fashion Police”. Now, I think I have a pretty good fashion sense because since this project I’ve been getting compliments on my clothes from complete strangers and friends alike. But I know absolutely nothing compared to Joan Rivers and Giuliana Rancic.


Sandra Bullock knows we’re watching…

This day was essentially a shitload of cleaning. I thought I would get really flustered and start crying but once I got into the hang of things it worked out really nicely!


Before

After

 

Cleaning reminded me of playing house when I was a little girl. When I was very very young, about 3-5, I refused to wear pants and always wore dresses. This was mostly attributed to the fact that I would always see children in preschool who wore jeans come up to the teachers and ask if they could have help zipping up their pants. I would not have such a battle with dignity.


As soon as I realized that zipping up my pants was simple and easy I banished the dresses and it stayed that way. Not to say I wasn’t ever girly again. I tried my hand at playing with barbies and being a princess. And it was all fun and good. I especially loved Pegasus but my stepsisters insisted my favorite animal was the unicorn (well, I honestly loved the unicorn Pegasus!).


Before

After

Playing house was always fun though; I got to pretend I was a grown up, that I could actually have my own things and make my own choices. Of course playing house mostly consisted of pretending to clean and talking on a wispy high pitched voice to sound like a beautiful housewife.

I think to some extent we all maintain that fantasy of being grown up one day and be able to make our own decisions and have our own things. It’s just looked at a different way for everyone. Some people fantasize about having that nice shiny car, and others dream of having the kind of love they would only see in cartoons.


Before

After

Though, I think that when it comes to cleaning its about having that fairy tale home, being Cinderella or Paris Hilton or whatever kind of princess that gets what she wants in the end. Perhaps these girls are creating a world around them, a fairy tale world where everything is bright and beautiful and is there for her.

Or is it because taking so much care into one’s appearance naturally means taking care of one’s home? Perhaps I’m searching for a deeper meaning than I can get out of this.


Before


After

The cleaning overall wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, but maintaining it will be the true challenge. When I come home from work/school I drop my backpack and laptop on the floor and kick my shoes off any which way. When I change clothes I throw the dirty ones to the ground and if I decide I don’t want to wear a certain shirt I take off the hanger…it’s ending up on the ground too.

If I take food or drinks up to my room they’ll be there until I no longer have counter space to put more drinks, and if I buy something new, the packaging will be scattered about until I have lost it and need to search the floor for it.


Before


After

 

These habits have got to change, and change now! My boyfriend has complete nagging rights as of today, and he can correct my messy behavior whenever he notices something.

Now, when I come home, I will neatly place my backpack and laptop in a designated area against the wall, where, if I need it, I will not tear into its contents and end up with books, cords, papers strewn across the floor.

Now when I get dressed all dirty clothes go into the dirty clothes pile before I do anything else, and all clothes I tried on but decided against wearing will go back to their designated areas. Jewelry will always go back into its’ box and makeup will always go back into its’ bag.

When I apply makeup, I will take extra care into not getting it on anything but my face. And if I get any on any surface I will immediately wipe it off.

Every weekend I will clean everything all over again to make sure it stays immaculate. I also need to get some pretty curtains for the window, a nicer office chair, and some more hangers for all my clothes.

Being clean seemed like my biggest challenge but right now it just seems like a roadblock if anything. I’ll have to get used to taking much longer to go to the bathroom, which means going to the bathroom at the right times. But maybe all this planning things ahead will work well for me.

After I was done, Noah and I decided to go out to eat. When we found out our restaurant of choice was packed we thought the best thing we could do was rent a chick flick and eat at home.



 

“Confessions of a Shopaholic” was a really bad movie. I think they were aiming for a “Legally Blonde” for 2009 but they just ended up with a big fat pile of shit. Noah and I got it because we thought we’d learn some things about fashion but all we learned is that green doesn’t go with yellow and I doubt that too.

The protagonist had a terrible sense of style and I’m definitely becoming more girly because it bothered me throughout the film.


 

After I took a shower I decided to play the game of “Which leg is moisturized” with you all! So? right or left?


 

I’m having harder and harder times figuring out how to put outfits together. This week I need to go shopping with a friend or I’m screwed! Tomorrow I’ll be talking to an ex-girly girl though and she might have some stuff for me.

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Day 5: A Slight Reprieve

Posted on January 21, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 1 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


Today was a Friday. All I had to do was attend a meeting and run a few errands. This was amazing; I actually left school at 3:30!! Usually I hope to leave before 5, but end up leaving around 7 or 8.


 

The previous two days I had been applying eyeshadow easily because every eyeshadow packet has made the matching of the colors very simple:


Day 2


Days 3 and 4


Day 5!


I was kinda breezing through the makeup application process but now I had to be a little creative. I decided to do some liquid eyeliner and have a lot of eyeliner at the bottom of my eyes. This would warrant a dramatic look, which would go with the dark colors I was wearing that day.

 


 

 

Then I would apply dark gray eyeshadow to the lid, and then a lighter orangeish brown above it. I know this seems like nothing much but it was the first time i really made a change with my makeup besides just different prepackaged colors.

 

 


 

This is definitely one of the fun aspects of being girly. It’s exciting to see how I can paint my face to make it look great with my outfit, but not over the top of course!

When Noah and I arrived at school, I felt two self contradictory feelings: craving attention from everyone and fearing leers and stares from men. I remember seeing this behavior in other girly girls.

They would walk on the street looking gorgeous and if someone honked or hooted at them they would be incredibly offended or upset. I think I wanted people to notice how much effort I put into my appearance. I wanted them to recognize that I looked great but at the same time it was an insult to only have been looked at as a sex object. It kinda feels like a slap in the face if I were to ask a guy if I looked good and he looked me up and down and said “you look hot.” It’s not hard to look hot, but beautiful and gorgeous are traits that are much harder to achieve.

Before, when I didn’t worry about my appearance, it was a compliment to be considered both hot and beautiful, because my goal wasn’t to be either. Sure every girl likes to look pretty, but I felt beautiful in the eyes of my boyfriend, and that was enough for me.

Doing myself up every day makes me feel incredibly self absorbed. I put so much time and effort to look the way I do, and so during the day I feel like I need to make sure nothing is going wrong. Is my makeup wearing off? is my necklace off kilter? Do I need to reapply my lip gloss? It’s interesting that I fear being seen as a sex object while I objectify myself with all the concern for my physical appearance!

After we left school Noah called his aunt who does manicures in an upscale salon. She offered to take us to a cheap place that sells nice hair products. I learned a lot about being high maintenance. I got 3 products: a shampoo, hair treatment, and a heat protecting spray.

The shampoo helps me moisturize my hair since all the styling dries it out.




The hair treatment does the same. After I shampoo I put a small amount (dime sized drop she told me) of this in and leave it for a few minutes before rinsing out.



 


When I begin to straighten/curl my hair, I spray this on and it protects my hair from the damaging heat.



Fashion tips I learned today:

  • Washing my hair everyday is BAD! I’ll still be showering every day, but not washing my hair everyday
  • You can slap on toenail polish and if you moisturize your feet a lot, then you can just rub off the extras in the morning!
  • There are “in” and “out” nail colors for the seasons! Real high maintenance girls will do their research and get their nails done accordingly.

I also learned that I need have on me hand wipes and hand sanitizer at all times. Noah’s aunt will stop by in a few days and give me the low down on everything I need to do. I felt so uninformed after talking to her for just a few minutes!

When we finished with that we stopped at the grocery store to get some of my favorite goat gouda cheese. I’m lactose intolerant but can have goat and sheep milk products. The cheese I was looking for couldn’t be found. After we left the store I was incredibly sad.

I feel like a spoiled child. If I want something and can’t get it I feel like the world has conspired against me. Maybe it was just that this cheese was going to make my day and all I wanted was that cheese, to curl up in bed, and watch some trashy TV.

Maybe being girly is fostering a sense of entitlement, but why would I feel so entitled? Because I put more effort into my appearance than everyone else, and people who don’t put as much effort into it don’t deserve what I deserve? I don’t know, maybe I’m just looking too deep into it.

Noah ended up dropping me off at home and drove to another grocery store to find this elusive cheese. Maybe this is why I’m acting spoiled: cause I get what I want!


Me, contentedly eating my cheese and watching videos of cute animals

Before when I wanted something like that and didn’t get it I would suck it up and move on because I wasn’t about to expect anyone to solve my problems for me.

Now, it’s more acceptable for me to be high maintenance, because after all, how am I expected to go searching the town for cheese in those shoes?!

Soon after that picture was taken(around 8 pm) my boyfriend came in the room and we cuddled and passed out. I woke up at 3 in the morning, initially feeling incredibly guilty I didn’t follow up with my routine but after Noah convinced me it had been a really hard week, and I was desperately in need of sleep and relaxation I resigned to the fact that this one day wasn’t the end of everything.

After that talk he took a picture of us in the dark with flash and we had a fun time trying to keep our eyes open while being visually assaulted


This is a kind of pain that is worth it!

In conclusion, sorry I don’t have an outfit planned for tomorrow, but it is the weekend now. I hope you enjoyed this anyway!

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Day 4: Beauty is Pain Part II

Posted on January 21, 2010. Filed under: Girly Girl, Week 1 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |


Today I woke up at 8:41 am. Since Noah and I were up late we didn’t wake up to the alarm.

The night before, I was also expecting my period to start. I thought to myself; “Ahhhhh! 2:30 and I’m finally putting my head on the pillow. Oh crap I need to have a pad or tampon for protection in case I start my period…. but I NEVER start my period in the morning, it’s always at night or in the late noon. But Corrina, you know how these things are – Shut up, there is a very low probability that this will be a problem! I’m just going to bed!”

I don’t need to explain what was smugly staining the sheets when I woke up. You know those Tampax commercials where mother nature is a really passive aggressive oblivious old woman (in case you don’t know here’s one of the commercials)? My version of mother nature is this fat jealous old hag who very aggressively and cleverly finds ways to ruin your day and publicly humiliate you.

My period was more pissed off than I was today because I swear it conjured up supernatural powers to completely ruin my morning.
Along with her making my alarm super quiet so we didn’t wake up in the morning, she also made sure to hit me where it hurts: I had chosen an outfit today that actually matched my favorite jacket. This red jacket is cute and amazingly comfy! I was greatly looking forward to feeling the comfort of warmth and softness on my skin. All I had to do was wash it and my outfit would be complete! When I took it out of the dryer it was COVERED in these:


Also called “pills”


Along with this I was coming to the realization that wearing the same shoes as yesterday was something of a death wish. Though this time I had socks to protect my ankles my feet were still being driven into the toe areas of my shoes at every step.


 


How can I describe this? Every step feels like a hammer is slamming into the balls of my feet while simultaneously tiny needles are driving deeper and deeper into my toes. This feeling gets more intense with each and every step, until I am literally driven to tears. My feet still feel sore from today, and tomorrow i have a whole new pair of heels!


I went to the mall with a friend in my cute but torturous ankle boots. I’ve learned my lesson since then, and I’ll be bringing more comfy shoes with me everywhere I go

I went shopping today for this outfit. I’m starting to shop smarter so as to save money, but the outfits aren’t nearly as awesome and are now going into realms I never knew of. For instance, that purple shirt/sweater thing. I have NO IDEA what the hell that is! I’ve never seen anything like it! I also saw something called a vest but what I would call a Sneed: a skanky Thneed. And no it didn’t look anything like a vest.



Since I bought open toed heels, I decided this would be the time to get nail polish. Purple would be a good color to match the dark brown of the shoes. The clerk said there was a buy 1 get 1 half off sale and that if I had an undercoat of white the color would look more vibrant.
When I was finished shopping I finally had time to reflect on the unbelievable pain I was experiencing. I was deep in the mall, and the long trek through it was daunting. When I finally made it to the car, I looked through my purse to find my phone so I could call my boyfriend. I’m terrible at knowing where I am so I needed directions on how to pick him up.

I looked through it everywhere but I could not find my phone. I was not going to go back in that mall though, so I decided to just try to figure it out and use my spare phone in case I actually left it at the mall. I was incredibly stressed and upset and while I was on the highway my phone rang. This made me burst into tears. Mother Nature once again ruined my night: she tore a hole in my purse pocket and my phone was deep inside my purse!

My emotional strength seems to have crumbled lately. This is most likely because I’ve been balancing school, work, and this blog while being on my period and dealing with my fear of people judging me while at the same time putting myself out there and telling people about the experiment. But I think it also has to do with the fact that my behavior is changing as well.

Being helpless and vulnerable feels more acceptable. Before I felt like I needed to “man up” because life is hard and unfair. Lately though, I feel like those emotional walls are breaking down. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I’ve gotten nearly to the level emotionally as a girly girl, and I might be a lot more composed when my period ends and things calm down a bit but I’m expecting some behavioral changes to stick from these experiences.

When I got home I cracked open the nail polish and tried my best to make it look pretty


I said I tried my best

I haven’t painted my toenails in probably 7 or 8 years, which is a long ass time for a 20 year old! I remember when I did try that I always messed it up. I thought this was attributed to the fact that waiting for nails to dry takes a long time when you’re so young, but apparently it’s just that I’m really really bad at this.

 

 




 


Maybe I need to suck it up and pay the $35 for a pedicure


When I finally got to take off my earrings, my ears were even worse than before. They were more red and the holes now have this crusty stuff near the edges.


Luckily, tomorrow’s earrings will be much lighter!

I did some interviews today, I asked people these questions:

  • What’s your definition of a girly girl?
  • What do you think of girly girls?
  • Do you find them attractive?
  • Would you be or are you friends with any girly girls?
  • When you see a girl dressed up in a lot of makeup and accessories, what do you think?
  • What do you like about girly girls?
  • What do you dislike about them?
  • Would you say the stereotypes are true?

For Men

  • Would you or are you dating a girly girl?
  • Would you marry a girly girl?

For Women

  • Would you consider yourself a girly girl?

I’ve been getting some truly fascinating answer from people. It’s really interesting to see how a generally agreed upon stereotype can have such a variety of definitions and perceptions. I want to interview as many people as I can. I won’t have the videos up until I find someone who knows how to edit them and is willing to do so without pay (though it would look good on their resumes!). I want to compile them all and make something of a montage.

So far though, most men don’t really like girly girls. This is a relief to me, because before I was always annoyed that the most fake and shallow girls also seemed to be the most desired by men despite the fact that so many guys complain about controlling or high maintenance girlfriends.

It’s understandable that men gravitate towards the most attractive women, but what’s not understandable is the fact that so many men cannot differentiate between beautiful women and women who spend hours on their appearance.

I have to give those ladies props though because they are capable of amazing illusions!

Sorry for posting so late, I want to be more consistent, but I don’t think that’s a possibility with my schedule.

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