Day 13: White
I wasn’t really feeling the flowy New Age clothes since it was cold out so I opted for the next best thing: color therapy. At least in Ayurvedic medical practices it’s good to wear light colors in order to feel happier. I had a white jacket I never wore because I spilt turmeric on it and there was still a yellow stain on my arm but I decided why not and took it out for the day.
I was excited to feel happy but I think brown was the intended color for me to wear that day. On the way to school from my house I realized I forgot to grab my stir fry which would be the food for the day so I called mom who was at home to drop it off at a good middle ground. The middle ground was a local coffeehouse. I got myself a coffee there and realized it was incredibly bland so I opened the lid to add some sugar. I didn’t close the lid well enough though because as soon as I took a drink I looked down and there was a giant spill of coffee all down my white jacket and it was only 10am! As I began to remove my jacket I realized I had decided to wear a brown tank top (I was worrying it would be white and got stained as well) I guess brown was just my color today.
Looking into color psychology more, I realized that white isn’t really a good color to wear anyway. Mostly I think it’s a crappy color because I have to try to not touch anything but it also is known to be uninviting and somewhat hostile. Brown on the other hand creates a sense of strength and reliability, two virtues I have been especially craving for schoolwork and my blog. On the down side it can make me feel sad and isolated, but on the contrary today I felt surrounded by friends and pretty happy. I’m going to go shopping for some vibrant colors from now on to see if colors help me. Green sounds like a good color for me: it’s supposed to make you much more relaxed and helps you read! I think I could do with some yellow clothes though, as they make you happy and optimistic. Still, yellow is my least favorite color, I might just feel ugly the whole day.
I’ve been especially lethargic today and I don’t know how or why. It’s becoming increasingly harder to get out of bed, which is kind of depressing. My motivation is steadily rising, but my concentration and peacefulness have gone down a lot. I feel though as if I’m being guided towards awakening/enlightenment: during my break from New Age I began to indulge in activities and food that I couldn’t really indulge in the past. The activities that traditionally brought me great happiness (eg internet surfing and TV) seemed to bring me something more akin to frustration. I looove Ling Ling pot stickers and made some the night before I renewed my experiment. Ling Ling pot stickers were one of my mood lifters before this; they are so expensive (compared to their much cheaper competitor) but so tasty they became the coveted meal for home meals.
I feel like once I become aware of my ego, the less it maintains its grasp on my soul and doesn’t allow for me to fall back on dysfunctional thinking. There are things I’m learning from the Eckhart Tolle book I’m currently reading, and one of them is that we rely on “form” (e.g. objects, activities, tangible things) to make us happy, to define us. I never considered myself in that light but I do have my vices like pot stickers and candy. I rely on some things to make me happy at times, so it was really interesting to finally be able to indulge in what I thought would make me happy, and not become happy from it even though it wasn’t something I had overindulged in.
Noah and I were too late to do Dhammakaya meditation because we wanted to go out to Indian food with Riley, a friend. We decided to just go to our office which had couches and peaceful lighting and do it there. We meditated Riley’s style, which was much more laid back than Dhammakaya style. It was a little less successful than my last time meditating, which could probably be attributed to the fact I hadn’t meditated for a while. I eventually fell asleep (the second time that day I passed out) but I am beginning to recognize how vital meditation is to my well-being. While it can be somewhat stressful to not do well at it I found that I was finally really at peace in my body and I needed more.
I’m going to try to do it whenever I have spare time. I think I’m going to try it before bed every night. In fact, I tried it tonight! I was having trouble getting to sleep (probably because of all the little naps during the day) and tried to meditate in bed to quiet my mind. I don’t know how well it worked because I passed out pretty quickly after but I think this will prove to be a great sleeping aide.