New Age: The Aftermath
It’s been a week since Day 30 and I have definitely realized a change in myself. I would have to say that the change is for the most part completely positive.
The cloud of depression seemed to dissipate as soon as I was done with New Age. I realized that for me the month had ended somewhere around day 19. Before that day I felt completely at home identifying with New Age, I felt like it was me. But I realized that day that I wasn’t New Age, not truly. This revelation had ruined the next 11 days for me and I could not pretend I was something I wasn’t when New Age was so grounded on being true to myself. I had been true to myself before, and it was a wildly successful 19 day experiment. But afterwards I didn’t know how much further I could take it. This created a lot of feelings of disappointment for myself since I had completed a psychological cycle.
It did feel like a cycle: it felt like I chose to become New Age by exploring my inherent spiritual beliefs and thus exploring myself. This resulted in me generally finding out more about me, and it all came full circle on Day 19. Yes I have spiritual beliefs and yes I like the people and the principle behind the whole thing, but once I recognized it was not truly me, I could not go on pretending. It was much harder to keep up with than Girly, which I had been miserable throughout the whole time and didn’t require me to personally believe in anything.
When the experiment ended there was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders but I hadn’t completely reverted to my old ways. There is a spiritual awareness about me now, I’m letting fate decide more often and I’ve become more relaxed about things. I initially thought I instantly became much more angry than before because I could relentlessly gossip about others and talk s**t about people but then I realized I’ve been PMSing. Still, Noah has told me this PMS has been remarkably forgiving and I haven’t done anything extremely terrifying though I’ve been good to give him fair warning when he was just flat out annoying me.
On a slightly unrelated note; I HATE being governed by emotions! I hate being a woman and having strong emotions to the point where I even react based solely on my own feelings. I’m a remarkably logical person, even in comparison to men (at least men my age), and I’m proud of that fact because I have huge issues with people who give in to their feelings when their brains know what the real story is. I don’t think people should try to necessarily “rise above” via violent internal struggle, because I’ve seen many people who obviously have strong emotions and just “logic them out” through arguments and the like. Perhaps I’m just talented at disconnecting myself from the situation, but it’s never been a huge struggle for me to be reasonable, except when I’m PMSing, but even then I make sure to be aware of my irrational anger and tell Noah in advance when his behavior all of a sudden annoys the crap out of me.
Despite my PMS I found that inner peace was much easier to achieve once I simply recognized it that the only I could corrupt it was through letting others hurt me.
I continue to see eagles after this experiment, and I still believe I’m being guided, and feel (sometimes wrongfully) blessed to have such strong guidance for such a long period of time. In some ways I feel outraged that my life is so easy, so blessed. I think of almost every other person I know and wonder why do I get to have all that I have? I know I don’t have money or fame or even success in my blog (yet), I don’t have a perfect personality or my own house, but I’m happy with what I’ve got, so I don’t think spiritual guidance should be so focused on me when other’s need it. But I’m grateful nonetheless, and I’m so excited for the personal growth and wisdom I’ll gain.
So far the best part of being myself is the food! Oh god I’ve missed pizza, candy, cheese, etc etc. I’ve eaten 3 bars of Lindt 34% hazelnuts since I finished New Age and quite a bit of pizza was ingested as well! It’s been fantastic and the best part is that I’ve completely and totally indulged without the slightest concern for my weight. In fact I hope to gain weight because I’ll have a better before and after for my athletic month which is starting very soon.
Goat cheese, sundried tomato, MMMM!!
Something I realized when it comes to food is that I have very little desire to eat meat. It just doesn’t smell or look tasty like it used to. I never was really into eating meat, and usually only ate chicken, but I don’t like having restrictions of any sort on myself, and I’m reluctant to say I’m a vegetarian just yet.
Overall I’d have to say being New age is great! It teaches people to explore themselves and also improve themselves. Religions may come and go but spirituality will never die. New Age taught me a lot, and I will continue to learn from it long after this experiment.