Day 30: Joys and Sorrows
Today is my LAST DAY! Sorry for the delayed post but finals have peaked and since there’s a concrete certifiable due date for those I put school first.
Anyway, today was also a Sunday which meant another UU church service. The service started at 10am and I had to wake up at at least 9:30 to get there on time. But because of the late night at the bonfire before, I woke up at 9:55. Yet another frantic day of rushing around and being stressed out! This day was really important to me; at church there was always a segment (my favorite part) called “Joys and Sorrows” where people would get up and share their joys and sorrows. I always wanted to say something, but just felt too nervous and self-conscious to do so. This time I could share my joy and sorrow of reaching the end of my experiment.
I had something of a speech thought up in my head, something like “I’m sharing and joy and a sorrow today. 30 days ago I embarked on an experiment…” But when I got up there I realized this wasn’t a sorrow at all…I don’t have to discontinue being New Age just because I can be myself!
For some reason there was this underlying feeling that I was going to be released from a choke-hold but as I got up to the mike to share I realized that was just an association with the limitations of girly girl.
Of course there are going to be some things I will gladly resume doing after this:
- Lindt 34% hazelnuts
- Goat milk
- Goat cheese
- Junk food in general
- Watching TV
Going on the Internet
- Being vulgar and completely honest
- Wearing comfy clothes
- Wearing makeup whenever I feel like it
Still, there are also some things I really hope to continue (though not as strictly):
- Finishing Eckhart Tolle
- Learning to be more compassionate and peaceful
- Eating healthy (less meat, less dairy)
When it comes to food, I can’t really say I hated being vegan. The first few days were hard because I kept forgetting to pack food for the day, but as soon as it became a habit I really enjoyed it. Still, I keep hearing that good vegans need to be very conscious of which vitamins they’re not ingesting and should take certain supplements since they have such a limited diet. It doesn’t seem natural to me that being vegan requires one to eat so carefully.
I honestly am not a big believer in veganism or vegetarianism. I don’t think animals should be treated cruelly, but there are humane ways to kill animals too. I’ve heard a lot of stories about how terribly dairy cows are treated and I don’t know really what to think of it. It seems to be pretty borderline but I don’t know how much of the practices cause the cows to actually suffer and how much are not that big of a deal. But the thing that really makes me not care to be vegan is the anger behind the whole movement. It makes me incredibly distrustful: How do I know the animals are truly being tortured? The facts could be skewed to portray these corporations as more evil than we think.
The thing that really got me was a snippet of a video I saw. It was sent by a vegan trying to warn people of the horrors of dairy farms. A man carried what looked like an adolescent cow and unceremoniously dropped it on the ground. He continued to kick it repeatedly while it lay on the ground. It was a terrifying sight and invokes a lot of sadness and anger. I looked down at the backstory and it said the men worked on a dairy farm and they took pleasure out of torturing these cows. Do these terrible people really represent why people should be vegan? Does this really mean that every dairy farm (purposefully) hires terrible, evil people?
It disgusted me, not only the video but the fact I was seeing this video in order to scare and anger me into veganism. I don’t want to do anything, especially something I’m committing to, out of anger or fear. One time I was walking in the city and there was a booth of people trying to tell people to become vegetarians. They had giant posters of mangled, dead lambs and the like. A woman walked by, saw the pictures, audibly yelped, and hurriedly walked on.
This is how I see people reacting to the movement, being horrified and trying to keep the images out of their heads. I know terrible things happen to animals, and I really really wish it would stop, but I don’t think people will become vegetarian or vegan through horrifying pictures or terrorized animals, they’ll more likely push those horrifying images out of their heads. Sorry, but that video really got to me. Now if someone were to sit down and tell me the straight up facts, no partial ones intended to villianize or disgust, I would be all ears. But that will never happen because it’s all politics…which is why I hate politics so much.
Anyway, I’ll continue to have dairy and meat but I’ll try to be more conscious of where it comes from when I can. Sorry about that little rant.
Oh and guess what I saw today?? An eagle flying above us! Perhaps I’m being told I’ll always be guided…
There was still one more New Age thing I had to do today: go to a drum circle at one of the New Age bookstores. This was the one that held the open mic from yesterday and I was kind of glad Noah and I didn’t stick around longer because the open mic went until after 2 in the morning!! 2 AM never intimidated me too much before…I must be getting older. Anyway, the drum circle happened at 4pm and we didn’t have to wait around at all. I was a little hesitant to go to another drum circle because I have limited rhythm and unlimited insecurities but it was the only event I could do that day and I was to make the best of it.
It was actually really nice this time around. I think that a lot of the people who came to this drum circle were regulars and the process seemed and felt much more holistic and seamless than before. There were also a lot more people so my messing up didn’t really reach too many ears. It was fun and I actually got into at times. The big problem is my wrists; they end up hurting SO BAD afterwards. I usually have to stop in the middle of it to take a break. But here’s the video of the drum circle streamed directly from the coffeehouse. The camera had some weird effect on it so you can’t really see anything at all.
After the drum circle I had to attend a school event called “cram nights” from 8pm until 1am. Before the event began I decided to do some research on the Voyager Tarot cards. While researching them, I came across a deck of cards I had been greatly anticipating for years. The artist was a favorite of mine on Deviantart and I’d been seeing posts of new tarot card illustrations for years. She is an amazing watercolor artist and the cards were only $23…so I bought them!! You can see what the cards look like
When midnight came around I ate a bite size snickers and stumbled. It wasn’t as amazing as I’d hoped it to be, and I still felt pretty much the same. I expect though that tomorrow will change.