Day 29: Tarot
Today I got to go to a special town festival. I didn’t really know what to expect but I had no other plans set up so I decided to go. The festival was pretty cool considering the town it was held in but it definitely wasn’t New Age at all so Noah and I left. It was more redneck and folksy than anything. There were vendors selling BBQ and “redneck wind chimes” (wind chimes made from beer cans). Personally I think you are really having issues if you have to buy your own beer can windchime instead of making your own… I mean what does that make you; a redneck poser or just an idiot?
Sorry, never was one to jump on the “I’m a redneck!!” bandwagon. Then again how could I; I’m not exactly white. Even if I was all white I’d still look down on any movement that encouraged stupidity and ignorance. Not to say I turn up my nose to real rednecks, even the racist ones. I’ve partied with those types, and as disgusting and stupid as they are they sure know how to have a good time!
None of these “rednecks” had even a slight southern accent
Anyway, on the way back to the car Noah and I noticed a sign for a garage sale. Thinking back on it I must say it was a bit weird of us to go to a garage sale because I’m really low on money and Noah is always complaining about all the useless crap we have lying around. But it was something of a pastime (pastime as in during the summers) so we decided to check it out. The garage sale was pretty typical except I found one thing that seemed extraordinarily fateful: a Voyager Tarot card deck.
Let me give you a little bit of back-story: when I was I don’t know maybe 14 or 15 I went to a little event with my parents (and their friends) where a man was premiering his newly made deck of tarot cards. His name was James Wanless and he just made a “revolutionary” new deck of cards called “Voyager Tarot”.
Everyone got their cards read and kept the cards they got. This was a memorable night for me because I got a lot of really special cards like “The Priestess”(which means I have a lot of inner knowledge) and “The Universe” (endless possibilities). At the end of the night everyone there was calling me “all knowing one” which was a huge ego boost for a 14 year old among adults.
That deck of cards had altogether disappeared after that. The even more interesting thing about this was that I had really wanted to have my cards read at some point but plans always seemed to fall through. I knew I had to get this deck! What’s more, I got it for only $1 (as opposed to its original price of $35)!
I must admit though…I’ve always found this photo collage style a bit tacky and didn’t like the style of the cards at all. I hope to get some better cards in the future.
Anyway, I cleared the energy of the cards by going out on the deck in the sun and laying them out one by one. Then I asked “What does my future look like?” and drew 3 cards. I got “The Player”, “Four of Crystals” or “Love”, and “Ten of cups” or “Passion” upside down. All of this seemed to be telling me my passions were my blog (the player) and Noah (Love). It worried me with the reversal of the passion card. Right side up it meant I need to pursue my passions but was it a different case upside down?
These cards don’t really seem to be meant for fortune-telling but more for self-discovery. They have never given me answers about the outer world but really have eerily clear ones about who I am and what’s important to me.
I still have been feeling pretty depressed. My emotional state seems more and more fragile. For the past 6 months I’ve been trying to get Noah to play at this open mic that only happens once a month. He is an amazing singer/songwriter/guitarist but his modesty gets the best of him. Every month I would try to push him to go and he would say he didn’t want to. Last month he actually wanted to and we showed up 2 hours early because we thought the sign in time was 2 hours earlier. I had already had a really stressful day and we didn’t make it to the open mic because too many annoyances occurred and I just wanted to go home and have some peace and quiet.
This time around I was absolutely determined to get Noah to play at this open mic. The only slight hitch in the plans was that I had volunteered to help at a tent city event to give out food around the same time. The plan was to show up at the open mic right when sign ups happened and Noah would sign up for a later slot so we could drop off the food for the tent city thing. The problem was that the place holding the open mics was trying a new randomized system so Noah’s name was to be drawn out of a bucket at any point in the night.
The point is, it feels like the past few days have been set up for me to be incredibly stressed and unhappy. Noah never did get to play at the open mic because they didn’t draw his name in time (the open mics usually run until midnight or later) so we just had to leave incredibly disappointed.
Later that night Noah and I decided to have a little bonfire in the backyard. Since this was one of my last New Age nights I decided to bring a bag of sage and burn some of it in the fire. It’s a new idea, but it’s a ritual I want to keep up. Plus, I knew I would never use sage (at least the crap I got) to clear a room again: it seemed to take days before the smell wore off, and it smelled like B.O. really bad! It sucks because the sage traditionally smelled so minty and nice.
When I first brought it up to the fire, I was really eager to throw the sage in. Noah was doing something and I was supposed to wait for him so we could churn out the details on what to do in the new ceremony. I got too eager and tried to throw some sage in but it kept bouncing off the wood and landing to the side. This made me feel like the ceremony I was making up had to amount to something if I couldn’t get the sage into the fire initially.
Anyway, I would say something like “This is to clear my laziness” and throw a small handful of sage into the fire. The way the sage burned seemed to symbolize my internal struggle to purge myself of a bad psychological habit. The sage would take a bit to ignite, go up in roaring flames, and then after a bit it would smolder and die. It was encouraging to do this, made me feel like I was pressing the “reset” button on my old habits. At the end Noah threw one last handful into the fire to conclude the night.
I don’t care what you all say about me and my “desecration” of others’ religious practices; I thought it was a good ceremony, and a great way to end a hard night.