Day 20: Full Moon
Today was a big day. It was a full moon and I was invited to a full moon drum circle in the teepee (the same one from day 8). I had been really looking forward to this as I’d never been part of a drum circle and didn’t know what to expect and Noah also got to go which was great!
Noah’s favorite social activity is sitting around a fire and talking with a small group of friends. The teepee seemed to be perfectly intended for just that. It also blocked the wind and a good amount of the rain while trapping in the heat of the fire. Unfortunately teepees have a shelf life of about 7 years.
Anyway, the drum circle was really interesting. We started with a “heartbeat” rhythm and some people would add something extra. I was having a lot of trouble finding my ideal drum (there was quite a selection of drums and other percussion instruments) and after what seemed to be 15 minutes or so my wrist was too sore to drum. I think I spend too much time on the computer because my wrist endurance sucks! It was a really awesome experience but I was too self conscious (and sore) to really get into it. Whenever my beat was thrown off Noah’s was too, and whenever I didn’t feel the rhythm anymore, neither did he. It began to wear on me, and it seemed that pretty soon I didn’t want to play at all. Eventually I just sat there and took it in.
Traditional Drum circle
(Photo credit: Manatee County Public Library)
The last drumming session got really interesting. There was a certain point where some of the women seemed to be casually chatting during the drumming. I didn’t think about it much then realized “wait, that’s kinda weird (and rude)” and looked around trying to find who was doing it. No one was saying a word yet in my head it seemed I could distinctly hear women talking! I couldn’t make out what any of them were saying, but I sounded real. The chatting seemed to stop when the drums got louder but at a certain frequency I seemed to always hear talking. I’ve heard similar things like this before when there was some sort of monotone static going on but never at this volume.
I wonder if it’s a spiritual thing or if there’s just a frequency of sound that happens to mess with my brain?
Either way, I’m beginning to feel like this personality isn’t mine. Unlike girly, I’ve generally accepted this as who I am and while I’ve deviated from the plan I still have maintained my identity as a spiritual person. I feel as if this is a mask that is beginning to wear on me. For once, I’m beginning to realize I’m not New Age as much as I’d like to be and that not being myself can really suck. In general pretending to be someone you’re not wears on you. I really have loved this personality though, and knowing it’s not who I truly am is a bit depressing.
In a way I feel as if I’ve failed some spiritual test through this revelation. The guidance I felt before seems gone. Things are less spiritual. But perhaps these spirits who guided me are beginning to let me go because they know I should continue my own journey. After all, Monthly Makeovers is a spiritual journey in itself, and I know it will change me for the better. Who knows? Maybe I just need to read some more Eckhart Tolle, or another book, and I’ll feel right as rain.