After the Break
Though my break was intended for me to not waste time being New Age when there was no time to be anything, it also proved very useful for learning how I’ve changed and what it’s like to be me again. I realized that I’d been quickly losing my motivation to be New Age and that perhaps a 5 day break in between a month of being something was a good idea to keep me from losing motivation.
Anyway, the vacation wasn’t all I was hoping for in the end. I had to perform at a play twice and then I had to go to a dance, after the dance I had to pack and the next day I went to Vegas until this Monday.
I went on my favorite websites before Vegas. It wasn’t a breathtaking experience. I also watched some TV, and I was expecting to be completely sucked in because it seemed that since I started this experiment whenever I’m around a TV I’m completely absorbed in it. This wasn’t really the case strangely enough. I wasn’t really missing technology as much as I thought I would.
I even drank a long island iced tea (an alcoholic beverage) and felt loopy after just one drink! My tolerance to alcohol has gone way down, which is fine with me!
Vegas was completely anti-New Age! Everything there embodied fakeness and extravagance. It was quite a sight to see, but I almost felt guilty for having anything to do with it. I kept thinking about how many resources, valuable resources, were used to create this alternate world. It really is the city of sin, and everyone there was out for your money. It was so much, too much of a contrast for me! Vegas and I have no chemistry together. I felt like I was trying to force myself to be interested in a man that I had nothing in common with.
It just didn’t work between us…
It made me realize that even me being myself I wasn’t artificial or stupid enough to get sucked into that crazy world. The façade was so thin, everyone was so sweet and courteous, they really seemed to go the extra mile to help you, but once you did anything that broke the rules, you were OUT. The kindness was so obviously an act to get money from me, it was like they were saying “Thanks for throwing your money away to us, here’s another free drink!”
The first time I saw the strip and the hotels I had this burning desire to be rich, to be able to fully indulge in such a place. After a while of exploring, I saw a dried up fountain with litter in and the hoses were exposed. It sharply dropped me back into reality: this place wasn’t real, it wasn’t a Wonderland, it was an illusion. I didn’t want this; I didn’t want to come here with lots of money so I could throw it away without a care in the world. I didn’t want to go to a fancy swimming pool, reserve the best spot, and sit there alone having luxury. It wasn’t like my life was bad before Vegas, it just seemed so humble that I initially felt like a peasant from the medieval times seeing a kingdom.
I mean, who would want this?
But my life before this was great! If I had had millions of dollars I would live pretty much the same way, except I would eat out more. I didn’t need to have this luxury to make me happy, and this luxury wouldn’t solve my problems. This revelation was a great relief; I knew now that my life was amazing and great, and that made me incredibly happy.
Still, I felt a lot of guilt for getting a free trip to Vegas and not fully enjoying it. I guess it’s not my fault because after all I never asked to go to Vegas. I’m glad for the enlightening experience and grateful that I got to meet and get to know the people I did.
On Tuesday I decided to not become New Age yet because I didn’t have any of the clothes or food and I had a huge assignment due. On Monday night right before we boarded the plane I looked online and realized that I had a giant project due! I was up really late working on it and then up early trying to finish it. Tuesday night was the only real break I got honestly, and I utilized as much as I could possibly utilize it! I sat and watched TV and ate Ling Ling potstickers the whole night, and the next morning I didn’t wake up until 10:30! Oh man it was so nice to just sleep and relax!
I’m definitely going to miss TV and meat (and pizza, and Internet) but I kinda missed being New Age. I liked the searching for inner peace, and missed that peaceful feeling I had before this break. I’m glad I got to take a break, but I kind of wish it was more of a break from everything instead of one thing.