Day 1: Discouragement
April 30th, the day before my experiment officially begins. I decided to indulge in some fast food, drinking with friends, and poker while I could. I couldn’t really say that I was glad I ate that Taco Bell or proud that I drank that tequila, but the pendulum has swung in the other direction, and by Midnight that night it had swung back. I was ready for it to begin.
I was at a friend’s house, and he told me about an incredibly eerie experience with a ghost. Here’s his personal story.
We were very close to holding a séance at 3 in the morning but I had to attend a beginner’s meditation at 11 that morning and we decided to wait for another time, I would most certainly be over again.
At 11 that morning Noah and I stopped at the bookstore that was holding this meditation class. To our dismay, I had written the wrong time on my calendar, and it had started at 10:30! We decided to sign up for a 3 session workshop that would occur throughout my month and headed towards a delicious looking neighboring Indian buffet.
The food was absolutely amazing. Just about every dish was spicy so I should have figured that the dish titled “Spicy salad” would be intolerable. My first bite proved that it was and it felt like not only my mouth but my stomach had been badly poisoned.
Today I was incredibly exhausted. I felt physically and emotionally drained from the night before and had no motivation after not getting to go to meditation. We went to Noah’s house to pick some things up and I decided to take an hour long nap. I still felt just as unmotivated and down as before. I somehow had to push myself to go to two events today, and was dreading it.
Noah and I went to another New Age bookstore closer to my house because there was to be an open mic there at 5. I was happy to spend a while in a New Age environment and expected it to make me feel more energized. We got there really early and there was blaring live music which pushed me further into my introversion. Everything got to be so overwhelming that I decided I should be dropped off at my house where I could just have some quiet time to regain my energy. Today really felt like a failure.
When we parked in the driveway I immediately looked forward to watching some mindless, trashy TV with Noah as my way of relaxing. Then I remembered TV was not allowed for New Age and so I decided to read “The Celestine Prophecy”, a book that discusses many spiritual ideas and beliefs. I realized through reading this that I can practice the beliefs but I couldn’t force myself to believe them. I’m trying to open my mind and I am spiritually minded at times but some of these beliefs just don’t sit right in my gut.
There are many times I’ll be told an idea and I can just feel it is right. It may not apply to me personally or even be something I would like to be true but it just sits well with me. Reincarnation is one of those beliefs, though my idea of reincarnation is different than others’. I feel like there are philosophies out there that I can agree with and relate to, but it’s just one more discouragement after a long day of disappointments that I can’t relate to this book.
It’s nice to simply read, the noise of the TV makes it so much harder to truly feel relaxed. I forgot what it was like to do that, and I admit I’ve missed it greatly. I did fall asleep (again!) while reading, this time for about 3 hours. This time when I woke up I did feel refreshed, and I expect to start tomorrow with a skip in my step.
I must admit my days before this experiment have been very contrasting with New Age. I have been embracing my inner extrovert, though that extroversion is an exhaustible resource as I found out the hard way today. This experiment will do me good, I feel a lot better about doing it than girly, though as of today I’m not particularly excited like I was last time.