Day 18: Music
Today I woke up at 7. It was really hard for me to wake up, and I initially was supposed to wake up at 6:30 to shower but I was so tired!!
I felt really insecure all day. I felt fat and ugly. I’ve never felt so unhappy with my appearance when trying so hard.
This project has been incedibly hard for me but I found a glimmer of hope! I talked with my English teacher, who has been a great help with this whole experiment, and he told me I can get independent study credits for this! I won’t have to feel so guilty for working so hard on this over homework!
Every time I feel discouraged or hopeless about doing this and want to give up, something happens to push me forward. Now I feel like I don’t even have a choice, and that’s actually really great!
I feel almost flawlessly girly now, so I think I need to take some aspects to the next step. I compiled a playlist of girly songs and I’ll be watching Sex in The City/Gilmore Girls.
I even wrote in girly handwriting!
Writing girly is kinda fun. I used to doodle but I got so insecure, girly handwriting feels like doodling but not as embarrassing. I know exactly how to make everything look pretty, where with doodling random people/flowers etc can look like crap. I compiled the playlist on Grooveshark.com and when “Toxic” by Britney Spears came on I literally got a little nauseous. I didn’t know I was so pretentious!
I’m excited to rip some CD’s, though poor Noah will have to sit through it in the car with me. I need to talk to some girls who have the music.
Tonight I passed out at 5:30 and woke up at around 10pm! It was amazing!! I felt refreshed, relaxed, revitalized! I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to get to sleep later but I was incredibly tired by 1am. This is such hard work, I think it takes more of an emotional toll than I could ever have imagined.