Day 17: Second Nature
Today I woke up at 7. It was an average morning. I went the extra mile with the makeup to make up for the days before.
Naturally I don’t look nearly as awesome here as I did all day
I decided to be a little bold and add some purple under the eye as well. It seemed to transform my look because I got compliments left and right! Even my boyfriend noticed (at the end of the day)!
I’ve noticed that my blog posts have contained less self reflective content and more mundane details regarding the experiment. I think this has partly to do with me being busy and partly because I’m becoming much more interested in material things instead of intangible theories.
Speaking of material things, I really need some gray leggings! well, I actually just need different colored leggings in general!
I have been incredibly girly pretty much the whole day, its been wonderful! There’s this light, on a cloud kind of feeling I get from being girly. But there is still a hole in my facade; I don’t have enough girly friends!!
I’m no longer insecure about the clackety noises my shoes make. I don’t really care anymore if people think I’m some kind of idiot, shallow, poser, or girly. I am who I am, and no one can bring that down. Ever since the boat party I’ve had an “I’m awesome” attitude, and it’s been great.
I’ve developed the habit of talking myself up whenever I do something remotely good. I can’t say that its a bad habit at all, though its completely uncharacteristic of me! When I initially started becoming girly I emulated the personality of my stepsister from when I remembered her in high school.
She was incredibly negative, the attitude placed her above her peers because she could bring them down and make herself seem too good for a lot of activities. Not to say that was her underlying motivation to be so negative, she had her own personal issues, but it did make me look up to her unflinchingly as a child.
I emulated that personality in high school, but it didn’t suit me and it took a lot for me to make myself act less pouty all the time. I’ve done a complete 180 since then and I love it!
I wore the new shoes today! They were great! I showed them off whenever I could and whenever I talked about them I either ended up squealing or jumping up and down. They are my magic confidence boots; they empower me to act girly!
When I got home and took them off I realized though that there were hidden consequences. My jeans had curled up and were pressing against my ankle the whole day. I didn’t feel a thing until I took them off! Unlike my other shoes which practically screamed at me to stop wearing them these were silent killers.
Not pictured: Pain
All of a sudden when I got back the energy was sapped out of me. I was filled with a wrenching need for attention and gratification. I wanted to go to a club or a party and feel loved by everyone. I felt empty without people around me. This experiment has made me crave attention to a level I could have never been able to comprehend!
Maybe it’s not attention, but approval? and maybe it’s not the experiment, but the fact I could have made some great friends on the boat party but I didn’t get to, and now I feel like I missed an opportunity of a lifetime. I don’t know, all I know is all of a sudden I feel incredibly cut off from the world where before this experiment I felt like girly girls were the ones cut off (the internet was my avenue).
Before I hated the idea of having lots of friends, lots of people to keep track of, to keep up with. Now I’m open to that idea, I just need to make the friends, which is the hard part. It’s slow progress, but I’m working my way up!
By the way, this outfit was all my original clothes(except the boots)! Noah got me the vintage 70’s coat for our anniversary and I got the turtleneck from Macy’s since I got a gift card there. Don’t remember where the scarf came from but pretty awesome eh?
My skin is finally starting to suffer from the frequent makeup use and constant stress. Today when I applied it my skin felt less workable, rougher, drier, and lifeless. Before, my skin was radiant, smooth, and sometimes flawless. I’m beginning to get zits, though I won’t go so far as to say I’m breaking out.
Guess which side has makeup!
I am so exhausted by the end of the day, I’ve decided to only shower ever other day as my skin has become dry and itchy and it’s bad for my hair. Also, I get some days where I can finally sleep when I want to!
My body’s perfect balance has been ruined! I used to have smooth skin all over my body, now I’ve developed strange bumps throughout. On my chest, my wrist, my face, my legs, it just never ends!
I am so tired; I don’t have the emotional or physical energy to pull this thing off. But I have to push through; a girly girl wouldn’t give up on her appearance just because of an exhausting day!