Day 5: A Slight Reprieve
Today was a Friday. All I had to do was attend a meeting and run a few errands. This was amazing; I actually left school at 3:30!! Usually I hope to leave before 5, but end up leaving around 7 or 8.
The previous two days I had been applying eyeshadow easily because every eyeshadow packet has made the matching of the colors very simple:
Days 3 and 4
I was kinda breezing through the makeup application process but now I had to be a little creative. I decided to do some liquid eyeliner and have a lot of eyeliner at the bottom of my eyes. This would warrant a dramatic look, which would go with the dark colors I was wearing that day.
Then I would apply dark gray eyeshadow to the lid, and then a lighter orangeish brown above it. I know this seems like nothing much but it was the first time i really made a change with my makeup besides just different prepackaged colors.
This is definitely one of the fun aspects of being girly. It’s exciting to see how I can paint my face to make it look great with my outfit, but not over the top of course!
When Noah and I arrived at school, I felt two self contradictory feelings: craving attention from everyone and fearing leers and stares from men. I remember seeing this behavior in other girly girls.
They would walk on the street looking gorgeous and if someone honked or hooted at them they would be incredibly offended or upset. I think I wanted people to notice how much effort I put into my appearance. I wanted them to recognize that I looked great but at the same time it was an insult to only have been looked at as a sex object. It kinda feels like a slap in the face if I were to ask a guy if I looked good and he looked me up and down and said “you look hot.” It’s not hard to look hot, but beautiful and gorgeous are traits that are much harder to achieve.
Before, when I didn’t worry about my appearance, it was a compliment to be considered both hot and beautiful, because my goal wasn’t to be either. Sure every girl likes to look pretty, but I felt beautiful in the eyes of my boyfriend, and that was enough for me.
Doing myself up every day makes me feel incredibly self absorbed. I put so much time and effort to look the way I do, and so during the day I feel like I need to make sure nothing is going wrong. Is my makeup wearing off? is my necklace off kilter? Do I need to reapply my lip gloss? It’s interesting that I fear being seen as a sex object while I objectify myself with all the concern for my physical appearance!
After we left school Noah called his aunt who does manicures in an upscale salon. She offered to take us to a cheap place that sells nice hair products. I learned a lot about being high maintenance. I got 3 products: a shampoo, hair treatment, and a heat protecting spray.
The shampoo helps me moisturize my hair since all the styling dries it out.
The hair treatment does the same. After I shampoo I put a small amount (dime sized drop she told me) of this in and leave it for a few minutes before rinsing out.
When I begin to straighten/curl my hair, I spray this on and it protects my hair from the damaging heat.
Fashion tips I learned today:
- Washing my hair everyday is BAD! I’ll still be showering every day, but not washing my hair everyday
- You can slap on toenail polish and if you moisturize your feet a lot, then you can just rub off the extras in the morning!
- There are “in” and “out” nail colors for the seasons! Real high maintenance girls will do their research and get their nails done accordingly.
I also learned that I need have on me hand wipes and hand sanitizer at all times. Noah’s aunt will stop by in a few days and give me the low down on everything I need to do. I felt so uninformed after talking to her for just a few minutes!
When we finished with that we stopped at the grocery store to get some of my favorite goat gouda cheese. I’m lactose intolerant but can have goat and sheep milk products. The cheese I was looking for couldn’t be found. After we left the store I was incredibly sad.
I feel like a spoiled child. If I want something and can’t get it I feel like the world has conspired against me. Maybe it was just that this cheese was going to make my day and all I wanted was that cheese, to curl up in bed, and watch some trashy TV.
Maybe being girly is fostering a sense of entitlement, but why would I feel so entitled? Because I put more effort into my appearance than everyone else, and people who don’t put as much effort into it don’t deserve what I deserve? I don’t know, maybe I’m just looking too deep into it.
Noah ended up dropping me off at home and drove to another grocery store to find this elusive cheese. Maybe this is why I’m acting spoiled: cause I get what I want!
Me, contentedly eating my cheese and watching videos of cute animals
Before when I wanted something like that and didn’t get it I would suck it up and move on because I wasn’t about to expect anyone to solve my problems for me.
Now, it’s more acceptable for me to be high maintenance, because after all, how am I expected to go searching the town for cheese in those shoes?!
Soon after that picture was taken(around 8 pm) my boyfriend came in the room and we cuddled and passed out. I woke up at 3 in the morning, initially feeling incredibly guilty I didn’t follow up with my routine but after Noah convinced me it had been a really hard week, and I was desperately in need of sleep and relaxation I resigned to the fact that this one day wasn’t the end of everything.
After that talk he took a picture of us in the dark with flash and we had a fun time trying to keep our eyes open while being visually assaulted
This is a kind of pain that is worth it!
In conclusion, sorry I don’t have an outfit planned for tomorrow, but it is the weekend now. I hope you enjoyed this anyway!