Day 3: Beauty is Pain!
I woke up at 7:10 today but since I decided to take showers at night instead of the morning I had enough time for breakfast.
I was excited to wear better shoes today, I expected them to if not feel comfortable at least feel better. Also, the fashion bug is kicking in, I couldn’t help but brag about how I got those shoes for only $20!
I’m beginning to have more fun with this, it’s exciting to add so much variety to my life! I’m always excited to try out new eyeshadow colors, though I think this is mostly attributed to the fact that I was trying them for the first time.
I was thinking that the balls of my feet were going to hurt instead of the sides from the high heels, but it was actually the upper outside part of my feet and most of all my ankles. My shoes were constantly chafing on my ankles which caused some little red marks, if only I got longer leggings!
The leggings I wore were just above the shoe!
After taking off my shoes for the day, I literally felt my feet slowly expand from the hours of being constricted. I felt like a victim of foot binding finally having her wrappings removed. And yes, the shoes are my size.
Today was really harsh on my ears as well. I wore some hoop earrings I got from a friend, and they were heavy! I kept complaining about them and I think people were getting real tired of my bitching and moaning about every sore and ache. I began to question the validity of my complaints until I came home that day and saw this:
It may not seem like much to you but yesterday my ears DID NOT look like this! The holes were so small that only the most observant could see if my ears were pierced. Now they’re gaping red holes. I feel like some kind of skank, so loose and so many rods inserted in there that earrings will fall out easily if I only just lean over…which is exactly what happened to me later than night when I tried on my even heavier apple earrings and leaned over to pick up a hat!
The star earrings I wore for day 2
The hoop earrings I wore today
The apple earrings I’ll wear tomorrow
I have to admit, I enjoy planning the outfits in advance, its fun to see what I can do with what I have. Its kind of like a puzzle. Of all the things I thought I might enjoy about this, this was one I thought I would hate.
Overall, my experience today was less psychological and more physical. I’ve begun to feel the symptoms of the girly syndrome. This has taken a toll on my skin as well.
I admit, I haven’t been high maintenance enough and only relied on toilet paper, Q-tips, and eye makeup remover to remove makeup.
This has resulted in my eyelids feeling raw and torn. I need to get cotton balls! On another note, I’m going to collect all the articles used to remove makeup and take a picture of all of them together at the end…that is if they don’t rot or mold.
This project is beginning to gain a lot of interest. I’m one part excited and one part scared, because with interest comes judgment. I know what I’m doing isn’t wrong, but it’s still hard to take judgments and disrespect from people. I know thats just part of this experiment, and since so few are unhappy about it compared to the many that are ecstatic, its hard to care too much about the offended.
Speaking of the offended, I decided to get some pictures of me shaving in the shower. Shaving every day is taking a toll on my legs. When I first shaved, they were phenomenally smooth but now they seem to be stubbly feeling just the next day.
Shaving is a trap! Having hairy legs is so much better than having stubble, but having smooth hairless legs is a million times better than having hairy legs. Once you shave, it just seems wrong to allow it to grow back when the in between part (the part in between stubble and fuzzy legs) seems so far away and so undesirable.
Also, frequent shaving has caused me to itch everywhere, even places I haven’t shaved. But especially my inner thighs.
I think showering so much is taking a toll on my skin, irritating it and causing itching. Today, I had a strange red spot on my chest
It’s not noticeable here, the picture was just for reference but it was right in the middle area. It wasn’t swollen it was just really red, and it itched a lot! I need to get some good cover up!
Luckily, my boyfriend understands how essential moisturization is for me particularly. He bought me a $50 tub of l’occitane body lotion which truly salvages my legs from dryness and makes the stubbliness more forgivable
I’m beginning to get incredibly self conscious of flaws; today I was walking around with my hand over my chest, being so made up makes it more acceptable for people to judge when I have, for instance, a giant zit in the middle of my face.
Being girly is a lot like eating comfort food (e.g. candy, burgers): Its really nice to just completely indulge in all of my fantasies of being pretty and being a source of envy from girls and stared at by men, I can indulge in objects and indulge in shallow celebrity gossip. But at the end of the day I feel like shit because it was all so bad for me! The pain I have to suffer, how much less of a person I am treated like, it’s just not worth the effort. At least not all day, every day.
I’m really sad about how some guys treat me now. Some people cannot stop checking me out! A lot of girls are actually guilty of this too. I am beginning to feel more and more like an object and less and less like a human, an equal. Other girly girls treat me really well though. I can’t tell if it’s just my willingness now to get to know them or if it’s that they see me and think I’m one of them. But their respect and kindness towards me is a breath of fresh air, and I am beginning to greatly look forward to seeing them more often on campus.
I’m a bit scared about how to set up times to hang out. I don’t know how to initiate friendships, especially friendships so quickly. I’m learning a lot about how to make connections with people quicker and more fluidly, and I have to respect that aspect about girly girls.
Things I need to buy:
- Cotton balls
- Cover up
- More Lip gloss
- Better leggings
I’m sure there’s more, dammit, I need to organize this better!
I’ve been getting a little better with the cleanliness, thanks to the nagging of my boyfriend. He reminded me today when we got home to not just throw my clothes on the floor but hang them up immediately after removing them. This is a concept I haven’t heard of until now, but it really works! This weekend will be a grand cleaning day, and I expect tears and a breakdown will be involved: I hate cleaning! I can fold clothes, clean toilets, and take out the garbage but figuring out how to make room for this wall and where to put that thing is utterly deplorable.
Just a reminder of the room before all this
I actually prefer things strewn about the room because at least then I can see them! But Noah (my boyfriend) will thankfully help.
I did some interviews today. I asked people what they thought of girly girls, if they thought they were attractive, and other questions. I’ll get the video up later; I need to find someone who likes to do video editing because I do not have the time for that!
The stress of school and work is putting quite a strain on this experiment, and I think there will be days where I just can’t update my blog. It’s so unfortunate because I really feel like this experience is much more valuable for learning and for even my career than the classes I’m taking now. But GPA’s are more important than blogs when it comes to careers.